Things that have pissed me off in the airport….so far;

Posted: January 21, 2010 by Adam in Adam's Blue Air
Tags: , , ,

Things that have pissed me off in the airport so far;

1)    How can an airline, let’s call them MOANarch Airlines, make you go all the way to the gate and THEN say that they have too few cabin crew members for the flight. What happened to them? Did they just lose them, are there overly made up cabin crew just brainlessly wondering around the airport getting stuck in air vents and vending machines? NO, of course there bloody isn’t. After I calmly pointed this out and once the woman at the desk had stopped crying I then asked what had actually happened to them. The woman, with more war paint on than Sitting Bull, said that they had been called in early to crew for another flight that had previously been cancelled. That is no excuse ladies and gents; if you take one crew off of a flight then you need to find some for the one they have been taken off of. It’s simple management people! You don’t just wait until the plane is 10mins from when it should be leaving and go ‘hang on we don’t seem to have any flight crew’.

2)    Old people who smell like a mixture of death and off milk! Wtf is this? Can I ban oldies from flying? I don’t want to be stuck in a confined space with you. You smell and make loud coughing noises…and what’s that now? Aw you pissed yourself! And no, I don’t want to hear about your granddaughter who is travelling around New Zealand. What I really want to do is push you out of the plane door at 30,000 ft, so I can sit without having to use the overhead air masks as my only source of ‘none-imminent-death’ filled air.

3)    Overpriced food at airports, I paid 60p for a handful of baby carrots. There weren’t even 6 carrots in the packet, which meant that I paid more than 10p per midget carrot stick. I could have paid 40p for crisps, how is that helping me to get my 5 a day? Also £3.25 for a chicken and cardboard sandwich, are you shitting me?!

4)    People who continually ask the stewardess for things to make them more ‘comfortable’… where the fuck do you think you are…Dignitas? You know what would make me more comfy? You shutting the hell up! We are all uncomfortable that is why we flew a budget airline; we decided to be uncomfortable so that we didn’t have to take out a second mortgage to fly British Airways. No amount of cushions or blankets is going to make you trip more enjoyable, your nose will still be firmly in the neck region of the person in front of you, while your legs are so close to them that they are practically giving you a lap dance.

5)    People who clap when the pilot lands the plane. WHY? Do you honestly think he took off and then went ‘shit, I have no idea what to do now’, of course he doesn’t you utter fool. Do you applaud the bin man when he takes the rubbish out? No, because he is just doing his bloody job. So here it is….PILOTS KNOW HOW TO LAND A PLANE… so if I hear one more person clap I will personally break them.

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Comments
  1. Jenny says:

    This is hilarious. I hate it when people clap.

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